How to Identify a Hipster

What is a hipster? In the parlance of our times, the word hipster is used to label a set of people who A) generally dress fashionably (perhaps a little TOO fashionably), B) live in an urban setting (perhaps a little TOO urban), and C) hold liberal political views (perhaps... nevermind). There are a few myths about hipsters that I would like to dispel...

Hipsters will not eat your dog. This is an old wives' tale used to create a solid distinction between "us" and "them". Hipsters will not steal your chapstick. I can't really imagine how this one even came into existence, because I know a lot of hipsters, and I leave chapstick laying around all the time, but I have never found it missing (that's an odd phrase - found it missing... a non sequitur).

How do hipsters dress? Imagine a pirate - not a captain, but like a first mate. Now imagine that pirate walking down the sidewalk outside your house. That's it! Hipsters look a lot like pirates. They like to wear deck shoes, long, cutoff jean-shorts that hang just below the knee, exposing the ankle and calf, perhaps a bandanna on the head or around the arm, and a beard, or at least some third-fourth day scruff, and definitely some piercings and tattoos. It's important to remember, however, that hipsters are NOT pirates.

Hipsters are not pirates. A real buccaneer would never be seen driving a Volvo, or wearing a scarf. Likewise, you would never see a swashbuckler riding a scooter. You can't swashbuckle on a scooter, it's too tame. Actually, maybe the connection between pirates and hipsters is why those terrible myths about them stealing your chapstick and eating your dog exist. Ha! I guess a hipster is a scarfy dog. Or maybe they like to scarf some dog. Hm.