I think we should start stalking other people (you don't stalk me like you used to)

I want to hurt you because i love you.

If i want to eat your arm, it's because i love you.

You make me want to puke

and kiss your sweet face.

New drink: 21st Century

Equal parts Square One Botanical and Lillet. Add about 3-4 dashes of Angostura bitters.

This is possibly a bit TOO smooth. Goes down like water. I recommend the following modifier:

Healthy dose of green Chartreuse, and all of its "130 Alpine herbs".

I haven't tried it yet, because I don't have any Chartreuse, but I have a feeling it's right on the money.

New favorite drink: Botanical Cocktail

About two weeks ago I received my copy of Gaz Regan's new book, The Bartender's Gin Compendium. I've been on a huge gin kick ever since my friend Adam introduced me to the Martinez. In the early pages of the book, Mr. Regan describes a drink common to the latter half of the 1800s called the Gin Cocktail. He sketches out a recipe of gin, simple syrup, bitters, and "perhaps a little curaçao or or absinthe." Sounds good!

So, a few days ago I was browsing through the gin section at my local Wine and Spirits retailer, and I saw this thing I had never seen before called Square One Botanical.

From their website:

"Square One Botanical is a bold organic rye spirit, infused with a striking blend of 8 organic botanicals - pear, rose, chamomile, lemon verbena, lavender, rosemary, coriander and citrus peel. This enticing composition of organic fruit, floral and herbs creates a captivating fragrance and offers a seductive taste experience in cocktails."

They say that Botanical is not vodka. Because of its complex infusion, it is essentially a gin, but without the juniper. Gin is defined by its juniper flavor. In fact the word gin is actually a corruption of the British slang word gen, which is short for genever, which is the Dutch word for juniper. Genever was once a style of gin (now beginning to make a comeback) that had a very malty, almost whiskey-like palate, unlike today's highly refined gins. It is also the earliest known style of gin to become popular.

Anyway, not to bore you w/the details (although I do recommend that book), but this new spirit by Square One is distilled identically to gin, but w/out the juniper, which some are saying is a revolutionary idea, and possibly a completely new type of spirit. I'm actually pretty excited about it. So... on w/the cocktail:

Botanical Cocktail
2 oz Square One Botanical
1/2 oz simple syrup
1/2 oz absinthe (been using Pernod)
3-4 dashes of bitters (been using Angostura)

Stir well in broken ice and strain into cocktail glass. Amazing!

Notes for ripping your own logs with minimal setup

If you're like me you have a very small workshop and therefore must be extremely discriminate about what large tools you fill it with. I have finally developed a fairly reliable process for ripping logs found in neighbors' yards after they fell a tree for whatever reason using only one major power tool: the bandsaw.

You need:

14" bandsaw w/6" riser block (Or bigger. I use a Powermatic PWBS-14CS.)

Wood Slicer resaw blade (The biggest one that will fit on your bandsaw. I use 3/4".)

14" chainsaw (Or bigger)

Scrub plane

Jack plane

Jointer plane

1. Square up the log as well as possible w/the chainsaw. Be very careful to get the surfaces as flat as you can manage, which is not easy w/a chainsaw. I set the logs on end on a sort of makeshift platform so I can cut all the way to the bottom w/out hitting concrete. Another key element here is to nail a scrap piece of wood to the bottom of the log like an arm, and then lay a bag of dirt, or some kind of dead weight, on the arm. This will keep the log from turning as you saw through w/the chainsaw, which creates a tremendous amount of torque.
2. Once you get the kind-of squared up log into the shop, use the planes to flatten the flattest side of the log to the point where it will sit stably on the bandsaw's deck while you push it through.
3. Tune your bandsaw to use the Wood Slicer, which is the most awesome bandsaw blade ever created. If properly tuned, it will cut through like butter. I mean really take your time here or you will be extremely pissed when your blade drifts diagonally into your log. Set the tension high and make sure you have enough clearance. Oil the bearings, whatever you need to do to make that bandsaw cut straight.
4. Place the log flat side down on the bandsaw deck and rip as straight a line as you can. Repeat this process until you have four flat sides
5. Now rip your well-squared log into rough boards.
6. Dimension the boards w/your planes.

You might not need to do the whole chainsaw bit if you can come up w/some great log jig for your bandsaw. I haven't figured one out yet.

This may all sound easy, but it is extremely time consuming to flatten the faces, and the bandsaw ork requires a very good understanding of the bandsaw. Read up everything you can on compensating for drift and properly tuning the bandsaw or you will just waste a lot of potentially great wood.

Ripping found logs is fun, because it's usually really old growth hardwood, which can be ridiculously expensive to purchase, but one problem I keep running into is that the tree was usually cut down due to some kind of insect invasion. You might have to throw away several boards due to bore holes, but there will be some gems in there too.

Ahh, that legendary pugnacity!

From the Online Etymology Dictionary:

Irish

c.1200, Irisce, from stem of O.E. Iras "inhabitant of Ireland," from O.N. irar, ult. from O.Ir. Eriu (acc. Eirinn, Erinn) "Erin," which is from O.Celt. *Iveriu (acc. *Iverionem, abl. *Iverione), perhaps meaning "good land." Meaning "temper, passion" is 1834, Amer.Eng. (first attested in writings of Davy Crockett), from the legendary pugnacity of Irish people. Irish-American is from 1832; Irish coffee is from 1950. Wild Irish (1399) originally were those not under English rule; Black Irish in ref. to those of Mediterranean appearance is from 1888.

Aye, 'tis both a gift and a gallows.

Allow me to Elucidate my Bracketological Veracity...

You have to click on the image to actually be able to read it.

Yes, I'm a dreamer, but I mean c'mon, hah!? Come on! You gotta rally behind the Mounties when such an unprecedented opportunity presents itself! Oh yeah, Pittsburgh over Syracuse is almost ridiculous, but Pitt did beat Syracuse earlier this season, and dude, a Backyard Brawl for the Championship? Holy shit!

Damian! Hah!? Let's see that bracket!

The Martinez

I've recently plunged myself into the world of cocktails. Here is my favorite way to mix a Martinez, the sweeter, darker ancestor of both the Martini and the Manhattan:

1.5 oz sweet vermouth (been using Cinzano)

1.5 oz Old Tom gin (been using Hayman's)

.25 oz Maraschino (been using Luxardo)

1 Maraschino cherry

dash of Regan's Orange Bitters

I like them sweet and on the rocks, so... Pour the vermouth over 6-8 icecubes, and stir until the ice is broken in (rounded off). Pour in the gin and the Maraschino, and drop in the cherry, and shake the bitters bottle three times. Stir well. The cherry will hide beneath the ice.

Now comes the important part!

Pour a little more Maraschino on top, so it floats, and add two more shakes of the bitters.

Delicious.

Stick your nose right in there and take a deep breath. The aroma alone is intoxicating. Once you take a sip you'll want another. And, since you floated that Maraschino, you don't notice that it gets stronger as you continue to imbibe. Yes!

Punny Picture

Get it? :D

Counting seconds

One Mississippi... Two Mississippi... "It took two seconds." WRONG!

Zero Mississippi... One Mississippi... "It took a just over one second." CORRECT!

Design Sense

This is going to seem like a silly detail, but I was just reading an article about a new program at Google that will pay anyone who finds a previously unknown security vulnerability in Chrome $500.

"The standard payment for eligible bugs will be $500, with a special — and comical — reward of $1337 for 'particularly severe or particularly clever' vulnerabilities."

Now there's the kicker. There's the trademark Google stamp of thoughtful, considered application of design in every little thing they do. See, 1337 is leet for "elite." Even in considering how much money to award people for finding bugs, the spirit of design has triumphed behind Google's doors.

I'm not a huge Google fan (Palm Pre rules!), but you have to admire their attention to culture.

Black holes

Seems like if the big bang was not the first big bang, and it's a cyclical event, then black holes may become unstable once they run out of matter to consume. Once all black holes have consumed their galaxies, and all the available ISM, and each other, and there is just one, and it runs out of all matter to consume, all gravity is consolidated, all EVERYTHING is consolidated, then a new reaction begins to occur, like an engine that has run out of coolant. The reaction reaches a critical point and an explosion occurs that is proportionate to the mass of the object.

Of course, this depends on the assumption that the Universe will stop expanding, and that the weak force known as gravity will gradually mop up.

Thus spoke The Armchair Physicist.

Brain dump

"Well Rebecca, get your basket, let's go down to the wood,

You might not pick any berries but you'll come back feeling good." (Fiery Furnaces)

The Fiery Furnaces are going to be here on Saturday. 'Nuff said.

My boss has an agenda incongruent w/my own. Sixty hours gets me fifteen minutes of face-to-face on the phone, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't really listen to me then, except to determine how to stay a step ahead.

The secret to Szechuan dry-fried beef is to fry it twice. The first time draws out excess moisture. The second fry gives you chewy, delicious strips of beef. Add a Thai twist by dry frying with nam prik pao!

I'm taking one class this semester: Probability. The classes are from 11-12, two days a week. There's an unsophisticated pun it there somewhere.

Cold beer.

I have a couple of really great ideas per year. It's fairly exciting when it happens. Someone with initiative could get rich on these ideas, and maybe change the technology landscape. I document them thoroughly, and stuff them away.

CC's Depot Dogs

I actually went to Home Depot today just to get two fully loaded hot dogs and a Diet Coke. The hilarity of that is just now setting in. At the time it seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do. I was really craving one of those hot dogs, so I went to Home Depot for lunch. Yep, yep.

I think I'm addicted. I could eat two more right now. The combination of that celery salt and the hot and sour sport peppers (pickled peppers) cutting through the warm, meaty flavor of the hot dog is divine. A cold Diet Coke washes it down... man. It's only 1:50pm... I could still get out there and get some more...

Thomas Grandi's amazing turns

Put this on loop, lie down, and let your brain melt right out your ear...

Awesome New Asian Fusion Recipe

I've been working on it for about a week now. I think it's one of my best ever for three reasons: First, it tastes like nothing else, and it tastes wonderful. Second, it's impossible to not get right. Third, it's versatile.

• Heat three to four to five tablespoons of peanut oil in a sauté pan over medium to low heat.
• Add a good, healthy portion (like say three forkfuls) of Tianjin preserved vegetable. (If you've never heard of this stuff, you should be able to find it at your local Asian market. Warning: it's addictive.) This portion gets bigger every time, but I think four forkfuls may be the upper limit.
• Add a hefty amount of fresh ginger - like a whole thumb, including the fleshy part attached to the palm, cut into slices of approximately 200 micrometers. (That's 1/5th of a millimeter. It's easier to get thin slices of ginger if you slice WITH the grain. You don't really have to use the digital calipers, but thinner is better.)

Heat until the ingredients become fragrant. This is the base. From here there are two variations, depending on what you're trying to accomplish. If you're just making rice, then...

• Shred 1 whole fennel bulb into hearty, slaw-like pieces w/a knife, add to sauté

Or, if you're making pork chops, then...

• Add 1/2 tsp of anise seeds

If you went the fennel route, you need to cook that fennel for a few minutes until it's tender. Keep the heat no higher than medium. These ingredients can burn. If you went the anise seeds route, then you just sauté for a minute more. Either way, the next step is...

• Add 1 tsp of fresh minced garlic

Heat until garlic is cooked, like maybe 1-2 minutes, then remove everything from the pan, except for any excess oil.

The next step would be to either 1) cook your chops in the leftover oil until done, and then at the end turn up the heat to give them a nice browning, and then serve w/the mixture on top of them, or 2) fold the mixture into a heap of cooked jasmine rice.

It's really, really, really, really good. I mean really good.

iStupid

How about more grammar?

American Politics Bullshit

"Well, you see, Johnny, we have a two-party system."

"Well what's that?"

"Well, that's where you have one party write legislation, and the other party tries to sabotage it."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

"That sounds like a game."

"Well, I guess it is a kind of game."

"But what if there's something really bad gonna happen, like an asteroid's gonna hit us or something?"

"Well, then one party will try to write legislation to save the planet, and the other will try to sabotage it."

"Huh."

"Yep."

"But if we get hit by an asteroid, we could die."

"Yes, but if they pass legislation that keeps us from getting hit by the asteroid, then the other party will lose."

"How come?"

"Well, that's just how it is, Johnny."

"I don't get it."

Glitter and Doom Live

Did you know that Waits has released a live album from his Glitter and Doom tour? There's nothing from St. Louis on there - THAT WAS SUCH AN AWESOME CONCERT! - but Get Behind the Mule is on there, and the live version of that alone is worth the price of the album, I think.

Remember when we all sang Innocent When You Dream during the encore? That was awesome.

Revolutionary Road

I should have written this a long time ago. If you've never seen the movie Revolutionary Road, I recommend you see it.

I'm not sure how I derive any pleasure in watching such devastation unfold. I've watched it several times, and every time I feel like my soul is being slowly ripped in half, right down the middle. It's excruciating. It makes me sick. However, the acting is incomparable. The sense of REALITY is incomparable. It's tragedy that seems to be preventable, but you are helpless to prevent.

The story revolves around Frank and April Wheeler, a young couple living in 1950s suburban Connecticut with their two children. Frank, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, rides the train into New York City every day, with all the other men in their suits and fedoras, where he develops taglines for his company's products. He finds the work meaningless and paltry. April, played by Kate Winslet, carries out her daily duties as housewife and mother with similar disinterest.

April is more sensitive to the mounting sense of entrapment, and one night presents Frank with her plan for escaping their colorless, conformant destiny: they will move to Paris. Utilizing their savings, she envisions herself making enough money to support the family long enough for Frank to just LIVE, and figure out what he REALLY wants to do with his life.

Nearly all of the characters in the movie react very poorly to their plan, although they (the other characters) don't seem to really understand why they feel that way. Frank and April find renewed love and vigor in their relationship with this new wind of hope, but all the other characters in the move, except for John, the "insane" guy, develop a subconscious resentment toward the Wheelers, and declare it childish, and unrealistic. The whole thing soon falls apart when April becomes pregnant and Frank stumbles onto a new path for success at work.

Kate Winslet's portrayal of April Wheeler may be the greatest female acting performance I've ever seen. It's hard to imagine a more convincing, visceral display to be conducted with such personal investment. She's disturbing and awe inspiring. April Wheeler is beautiful and uncontrollable - a brilliant light, and a black, bleak pit. She loves her family, but is utterly shattered when Frank backs out of their plan to escape to Paris.

Frank is ultimately revealed to be a coward. DiCaprio's performance is equally gripping: raw, sincere, and intense to the point of offending me personally. I really don't understand how this movie did not receive more awards.

As I write this, my opinion on who is right in this movie changes. I see faults in both April and Frank, but I'm challenged to think that any fault I find in April, like that she should not have reacted so strongly, that she pinned too much on the move, is really a fault in myself, as if I am as cowardly as Frank for even thinking those things. April has never been anywhere, but Frank has been because he went overseas for The War. It's unfair to not consider the level of excitement and hope this would generate for April, who is by all accounts a worldly woman who has never seen the world - I mean her potential is obvious and the suffocation she is experiencing is obvious.

The abortion is a very difficult issue, and I ultimately can't agree with her wanting to go through with it. What makes it complicated is the fact that Frank refuses to entertain the idea of having the baby in Paris, so the pregnancy becomes a roadblock to leaving. I really don't understand why, since ultimately it would just be a wrinkle in their plans, but not a show stopper. It could just be a point where Frank feels so out of character in the relationship that he feels he must assert himself as the head of the household. Frank's attempt to exert control over April results in tragedy every time he tries to do it.

Frank lost April when he backed out of the move to Paris. April had invested so much in the move that Frank's reversal broke her hope for the future. She began to resent Frank. She began to resent him with bitter ferocity. They finally tear each other down in a climactic fight that leaves both of them lost.

The next morning April has calmed down, and Frank comes downstairs to find her in a good mood, no longer hating him, and she makes them both a nice breakfast. By all accounts Frank should stay home that day and work this out... Right??? But April doesn't like talking, so I don't know how that would've worked. Anyway it doesn't happen because this is the big day Frank is supposed to get his promotion.

John, the "insane" guy, played by Michael Shannon, is possibly the most sane person in the movie. He is the only person who is interested in their plan to move to Paris, and his vocal disgust at their change of plans ignites the climactic fight between Frank and April. You have to wonder if his so-called "insanity" is affected by the ridiculous expectations and shallowness of the culture. He actually shows no sign of mental illness that I can discern except for his erratic outbursts, but - although rude - they are actually sharp, objective observations.

I can't write anymore about this in blog format. Go watch the movie. Hopefully you'll be as affected by it as I am.

Post-feminist Humor

"I feel about as useless as a mom's degree." - Kenneth Parcell

Ha!